You know that whole reading 20 books thing? Apparently trying that the same year as getting a puppy was a bad idea. Leo is a wonderful dog, and has definitely grown up a lot, but he's still a puppy and requires a lot of supervision. At this point it's still pretty hard to have him inside and not be giving him at least 30% of my attention - more than I can spare while doing any meaningful reading. But oh well. The latest book I finished was for our book club and is number five for the year.
Apparently I'm at an important stage of my life. The book, titled The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter - And How to Make the Most of Them Now, talks about how things need to be done while you're in your twenties so you're ready for the rest of your life. It proposes that the seemingly common idea with people in their twenties of, "now is a time to have fun and real life can wait until thirty," is not a good one. In fact the author, Meg Jay, instead suggests that the twenties are crucial to setting a course that will ultimately influence your future and that mishandling these years can cause irrevocable damage to your potential for long term success and happiness.
Jay is a psychoanalyst who specializes in helping twentysomethings figure out what to do with their lives. Topics in the book spanned choosing a career (and the importance of actually getting started in that field), the benefits of friends (as well the risk of never branching out from that group), and why taking dating and relationships seriously matters (especially with regards to forming a family). There were a few other topics that fit between those, but these are probably the biggest ones. Or at least the ones that stuck out to me. All of the topics she speaks on are accompanied by stories of her clients to provide examples of what going through these difficulties actually looks like.
The book is written well enough, I suppose. I didn't find her writing to be particularly compelling and certainly didn't find myself getting lost in the book. I'd often just skim over paragraphs and pages or find my mind wandering. This could partly be because it's hard to write nonfiction in a way that holds the reader's attention, but I've certainly gotten wrapped up in nonfiction before and don't think that's much of an excuse (see Predictably Irrational and The Black Swan). I also disliked her overuse of the word "twentysomethings" - it just feels clunky and almost like a placeholder word she meant to cover with something smoother later. The tone of the book also bothered me a little. She claims to be writing the book directly to the very people it's about - twentysomethings - but still came off as condescending. And perhaps I'm nitpicking, but it all added up to make a less than enjoyable reading experience. And we haven't even gotten to the content yet!
I found it difficult to relate to many of the patients Jay recounts in her book. "I just feel so lost, like I'm drowning in the ocean with no direction to my life," or whatever they all seem to say, is completely not me. Apparently I'm the oddity - married, with a career, living in the 'burbs with my two cats and a dog, and the opposite of Jay's expected instability. And I'm not saying I'm better than people dealing with these issues, I just can't relate. This made some chapters (lots of chapters, actually) a bit pointless for me.
But I can't criticize the book entirely. There are sections that I liked. One dealt with the idea of weak ties and how people you don't know that well - people not in your immediate circle - can play a big part in moving your life forward. I've always thought this idea makes a lot of sense and is one of the reasons I don't plan on getting rid of Facebook anytime soon (and the same reason I bother having a LinkedIn profile to begin with). You never know what you'll need and who can help. For instance, I interned for my current employer while I was still in college. Since I'd be in Indianapolis for the summer I knew I'd need a place to stay, so I filtered my Facebook friends by people living in the area to see if there was anyone I knew well enough to contact about finding somewhere to live. And what do you know, a friend from high school (one that I don't think I'd even talked to since high school) was living in the city. I messaged him and it just so happened that one of his roommates was going to be gone for the summer and was looking for someone to sublease. I ended up sharing that house with my friend (paying a very reasonable rent, I might add) and had a great summer. All this because I messaged a guy from school. Now, he wasn't the first person I normally would have asked (no offence, Nate) because he wasn't one of my close friends, but just by keeping in contact with someone lead to all that. Yay weak ties!
As for the rest of the book, while I didn't personally get a lot out of it, I'm sure there are people in my age bracket that would benefit from this book (and maybe therapy?). A lot of what she says on the importance of your twenties makes sense. I'm very glad Leslie and I are in the position we are now - one that's faced towards success. We have stable jobs, money in the bank, retirement accounts, and a plan moving forward. Not that things couldn't go terribly awry for us at any moment (and hopefully don't), but I think we've done a lot to set ourselves up to succeed. It seemed to come naturally enough for us (big thanks to our parents for teaching us good practices and principles), but for those it doesn't this book could be a helpful motivator. While I didn't find it personally useful I certainly recommend it to anyone in their twenties feeling "stuck". (And I think I'll keep it around for our kids to read before they go off to college... or something like that.)
But I can't criticize the book entirely. There are sections that I liked. One dealt with the idea of weak ties and how people you don't know that well - people not in your immediate circle - can play a big part in moving your life forward. I've always thought this idea makes a lot of sense and is one of the reasons I don't plan on getting rid of Facebook anytime soon (and the same reason I bother having a LinkedIn profile to begin with). You never know what you'll need and who can help. For instance, I interned for my current employer while I was still in college. Since I'd be in Indianapolis for the summer I knew I'd need a place to stay, so I filtered my Facebook friends by people living in the area to see if there was anyone I knew well enough to contact about finding somewhere to live. And what do you know, a friend from high school (one that I don't think I'd even talked to since high school) was living in the city. I messaged him and it just so happened that one of his roommates was going to be gone for the summer and was looking for someone to sublease. I ended up sharing that house with my friend (paying a very reasonable rent, I might add) and had a great summer. All this because I messaged a guy from school. Now, he wasn't the first person I normally would have asked (no offence, Nate) because he wasn't one of my close friends, but just by keeping in contact with someone lead to all that. Yay weak ties!
As for the rest of the book, while I didn't personally get a lot out of it, I'm sure there are people in my age bracket that would benefit from this book (and maybe therapy?). A lot of what she says on the importance of your twenties makes sense. I'm very glad Leslie and I are in the position we are now - one that's faced towards success. We have stable jobs, money in the bank, retirement accounts, and a plan moving forward. Not that things couldn't go terribly awry for us at any moment (and hopefully don't), but I think we've done a lot to set ourselves up to succeed. It seemed to come naturally enough for us (big thanks to our parents for teaching us good practices and principles), but for those it doesn't this book could be a helpful motivator. While I didn't find it personally useful I certainly recommend it to anyone in their twenties feeling "stuck". (And I think I'll keep it around for our kids to read before they go off to college... or something like that.)
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